If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
