I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
