ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
