funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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