It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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