i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
