If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
