They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
