So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
