It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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