yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
