RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
