I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
