I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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