This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
