people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
