please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
