just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
