Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
