If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
