She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
