New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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