Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
