Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
