I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm both gender and math confused
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
