when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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