I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
