why do cheetos always look like penises
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
