went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
