angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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