i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
