I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
