There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
