It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
