Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
