Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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