so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
