your thong is hanging out like whoa
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
