Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
