my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
