whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
