I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
