i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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