So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
