Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
