Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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