I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
