tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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