i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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