I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
