I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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