I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
