I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
