We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
