do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
