I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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