I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
