Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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