he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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