Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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