My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
