fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
