yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
