My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
