You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
