I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
